I was shopping at Amazon tonight and seeing this brought tears to my eyes.
Those are items I used to buy for dear little Zack. How I’d love to order those things for him again.
Suddenly, I remembered my morning routine for him, preparing his food and his medicines while he was sound asleep. When he woke up, I’d brush his teeth, clean his eyes and brush his hair. My husband would take him out for a quick walk, then it was time to feed the little boy. After that, he was free to do as he pleased – usually just chillaxing on the couch with us.
It’s our first Christmas without him. For someone who didn’t speak, for such a small creature, he definitely occupied such a big space in my heart. Now more than ever, I miss my little boy.
It’s been six months since our little baby Zack passed away.
Last night, hubby and I put up a Christmas tree.
We were on the fence about a Christmas tree and even Christmas decorating for awhile. As much as I love Christmas, I dreaded it this year because my heart truly didn’t feel ready to be all cheerful and merry. Honestly, I just want a quiet holiday. I don’t even feel like meeting up with people. I hardly even did any gift buying.
But after numerous discussions with hubby (plus my sisters chimed in as well), we remembered how Zack actually loves Christmas. He enjoyed opening his gifts, but not necessarily the gifts themselves. Once the gifts are out of the wrappers and gift bags, he’d just look at us as if to say, “that’s it?” It always cracked me up.
So yes, last night, we put up our Christmas tree. We even had a custom ornament made with Zack’s face. Six months later, he’s still remembered, much loved and truly missed.
This month, I’m so happy and grateful for everything that happened – the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly.
- The Democrats won. Yes! The House at least. Better something than nothing, right?
- I finally received my Zack bayong from Casa Caridad! My little doggie bag is home. Happy.
- E + I went to watch the 2018 UAAP Cheerdance Competition on a whim!
- We hosted one spur-of-the-moment game night with furbabies in attendance. I also met up with a friend from highschool to catch up, plus a separate meet-up with another friend at Red Box for an evening of singing. ‘Twas fun! Sadly, two friends’ parents passed away this month too. Our group did finally meet up at the wakes.
- E + I watched “Bohemian Rhapsody” to push my stress away. Who knew I knew so many Queen songs?
- I watched “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society”. It was pretty nice.
- I finished binge-watching: Wynonna Earp.
- All Souls’ Day came and went. I hope Daddy and Zack are resting in peace…or having a blast in heaven. It was also Zack’s 5th month in heaven.
- My new passport arrived super earlier than I expected. YAY!
- E went to Aklan, and got back here safe and sound. Thank goodness.
- The hearing was a non-hearing because the judge couldn’t make it. She had a family emergency, so the hearing is rescheduled for this coming week. I even managed to get copies of the police reports that we might need.
- UP won against Adamson! We’re in the finals!!! Woohoo!
- A friend got us tickets for the finals battle between UP and Ateneo! Upper box, but better something than nothing. Even better, she didn’t ask for payment.
- We finally tried Chooks to Go chicken.
- We tried new restaurants like Casa Abuela, Cafe Katerina, Yabu and Modern Shanghai.
- We tried Fit Kitchen PH food delivery.
- I’ve wanted to go to Sagada since the ’90s to see the hanging coffins…and we finally did! We left by bus on a Thursday and returned super early Monday morning. We even stayed where I’ve been wanting to stay for the longest time. Sagada wasn’t what I expected it to be, but it turned out better that way.
Home Sweet Home
- I reorganized the dining room, the guest room (even the mattress is laid out already, ready for guests…or even for us to nap in! Still not done, but so far, so good.), the kitchenette cabinets and the kitchen cart.
- I ordered a bunch of eco-friendly items from Human Nature for use here at home.
- I cleaned the two bathrooms easily. Who knew water is enough to clean the bathroom floors? Then again, it’s not like we live in filth. I mopped and swept the first floor, also cleaned the dining table.
- We walked and biked around the UP Oval and the subdivision. Yay!
- We went to the hospital to see doctors when we both felt under the weather. Self-care is paramount!
- Before going to sleep, I started using my singing bowl and meditating. I’m also working on how to deal with my negative thoughts, and trying to bring more positivity in my life.
Lessons learned (or re-learned)
- Always give yourself space to have a good cry when you need it. You don’t need to judge yourself for your tears. Other people will judge you enough as it is.
- Living in the past is an unnecessary use of time. There are so many things to look forward to.
- Some people will do what it takes to keep you in their lives. Those are the valuable ones.